The other day I was reminded of the importance of solidifying positive and peaceful attitudes early on in pre-k. I overheard a teacher reprimanding a first-grade student in the hallway for hitting another child. The teacher simply said, “You cannot hit her, it’s not nice. Do you understand?” When the child did not respond, the teacher said, in a more abrasive tone, “Say YES!.” The child then said “yes,” as commanded, and the teacher moved on.
I had to wonder how effective that child will be in solving problems on his own. Perhaps his teachers to date have not taught social skills effectively. Or possibly he has experienced things that have undermined the endurance of those skills in the long run. The incident caused me to reflect on my efforts this year.
I start teaching our peaceful and empowering approach in the beginning of the school year. The process entails direct whole-group instruction through puppet role plays, books about friends and feelings such as Words are not for Hurting, and songs like “The More We Get Together.” In these activities, we use consistent language like, “I feel sad when you [fill in the blank].” Add to this many one-on-one, informal teachable moments, and gradually the children gain an understanding of why they should use their words instead of their hands.
By December, my students were able to follow through with a “peace agreement”, but I served a dominant role in the initial stages of the process. Since then, the children have made even more progress and now take ownership of the peace process from the beginning. For instance, David used to suggest that characters in our stories use violence to solve problems. If the Cat in the Hat won’t leave, David suggested, we should “hit him on the head.” Now, he is more likely to recommend talking through problems. When we discussed recently how the farmer in Farmer Duck exploits duck and refuses to do any work, David chose peaceful means over violent ones, advising the duck to tell the farmer, “Please, can you help me?.”
Other children still require occasional reminders and encouragement, but their skills are clearly developing. Tyrone’s first inclination during a recent read aloud was to hit the animals that had stolen a character’s fruit. After I asked him, “Do we hit animals or people?” he offered an alternative measure: “I would tell the animals that I won’t ride them no more.” Similarly, Jeffrey came to inform me today that another student would not let him play with a certain toy. All I had to say was, “Work it out on your own,” and Jeffrey returned to the student to say, “I feel sad when you won’t let me play with it.”
Pre-k teachers - indeed, all teachers - have an obligation to teach conflict resolution in a way that empowers students to solve problems peacefully. I want my students to leave pre-k with the rationale and language needed to facilitate peaceful conflict resolution so that, throughout their lives, they will rarely, if ever, receive a scolding like that first grader in the hall. Perhaps if we start with pre-k classrooms that provide students with such tools, we will lay the foundation for a society that more closely embodies Immanuel Kant’s vision of enduring peace between people and states.
“And chances are if the mouse asks for a glass of milk, he’s going to want a cookie to go with it.”
Ahh, the end of story time, right after lunch and before nap-time…a time when most of the children are relaxing, flirting with the decision to crash prematurely on the rug before retiring to the comfort of their individual mats, or contemplating the complexities highlighted in the literary masterpiece just presented to them, in this case the enigmatic cyclical nature of Laura Numeroff’s classic, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.
Yet, for Kevin, this point in the day used to be filled will anxiety, frustration, and sometimes pure anger if he was not chosen to help me pass out the mats. Not anymore.
Unlike the other children, our key phrase –“Oh well, I’ll get picked next time.” –did not work for Kevin. Ms. Morrison and I decided to individualize our approach to Kevin’s struggle with taking turns and build on his visual learning style and interest in taking on greater responsibility. Each day, after we complete our post-story discussion, Kevin walks over to Ms. Morrison’s table and figures out who should have a turn to distribute the mats by reviewing a list of his classmates who have helped over the course of the past two weeks. He then announces the person picked for the day to the entire class. Since we have developed the system Kevin has not cried or thrown a tantrum once during this transition time.
We still have some difficulties in other parts of the day; for instance, if he doesn’t get picked during a discussion or game on the rug. Yet the intensity of his responses has subsided, and he is better able to manage his anger without much direct attention from me. He will sometimes turn his back to the group to weep silently or just breathe deeply. He either comes back to the group on his own in a few minutes or responds to me praising others or engaging him with an interesting activity. He even occasionally uses our “Oh well” message.
We have certainly made progress in working with Kevin and understanding how to continue improving his behavior in the future. His ability to stay focused and calm even when he is not chosen or he does not get what he wants will undoubtedly help him grow both academically as a learner and socially as a member of our classroom community.
"Happy New Year!" I exclaimed to each of my students as they walked in today. In the past, this week back after the holiday break often proved somewhat hectic, with many of the children getting back into the swing of our daily routines. This year's return is shaping up differently. Here are a couple of highlights from the first day back:
While I planned to review our "talk it out" approach to conflict resolution later in the week, the students independently devised their own scenarios today. As part of our introduction to a three-week exploration of winter, I showed them two bears: one fully dressed for winter and the other wearing only a tee-shirt. After we passed them around, I asked them what they noticed about the two bears. Samar responded, "That bear with the jacket hit the other bear with a block." We then began discussing various ways we could respond to such a situation. The students came up with everything from apologizing and telling an adult to getting another block the two bears could share. We ultimately did talk about and explore winter throughout the day, but the teachable moment involving the bears was particularly valuable because it derived from student interest and demonstrated their deepening understanding of how to solve conflicts.
After reading the poem "Chicken Soup with Rice" for January, we laced up our make-believe skates and tried pretend skating while sipping our own soup in the auditorium. We discussed potential dangers such as: "wind that could blow leaves in your soup" (Kevin); "rain that could make the soup taste nasty" (Derrell); and, "snow that could make the soup cold" (Sierra). As we skated around the auditorium, we managed to escape a wolf "hiding behind a tree" (Jeffrey), but suddenly a dragon appeared. We just started exploring snow and ice today, so, like any good pre-k teacher with Greek roots, I had to use a bit of the Socratic method. After breaking it down with detailed questions, we figured out that the fire from the dragon would melt the ice, causing us to have to swim back to our classroom instead of ice skate. As Ravon said, "Whew, that was a close one."
Sharing space, sharing time, and sharing attention can be quite difficult for many adults…imagine teaching how to accept those realities in life to four year olds! For my student Kevin, who exceeds most of the other children in academics, the idea of sharing is, simply put, horrifying. He breaks down in tears when he doesn’t get picked for passing out the mats or if another child wants to play with the toy of his choice. As an only child being raised by his grandmother he is not accustomed to sharing with other children. Yet now, as a member of our classroom community, he faces thirteen peers, each with an equal right to the same toys and attention he seeks to hoard for himself.
My aide, Ms. Morrison, and I, consistently remind the class of the fairness and value of sharing. As the wise philosopher Dr. Pooh once said, “The more you share with others, the more they’ll share with you.” We do not give in when the anti-sharers cry. We provide plenty of opportunities for students to have special jobs and to explore our materials. We also facilitate discussions between classmates focused on how we feel when our friends don’t share. And yet, Kevin’s tears and wailing keep coming.
Last week we tried to invest the whole class in our sharing goal by introducing a message they could send to each other and themselves: “Oh, well, I feel sad, but I’ll get picked another time.” Results? Too soon to tell.
Karen and Tyrique had a breakthrough today. When I came to the rug after breakfast time, they and two other students were excited about the latest edition of a nature magazine. I responded by complimenting their enthusiasm and slipping in a little vocabulary expansion: "I feel so elated to see you all getting excited about a book!"
The honeymoon did not last long. As I walked away to greet a latecomer, I noticed some of the excitement on the rug was turning into an aggressive and loud conflict over who would turn the pages. Camp David was not available at the moment, but we managed to devise a three stage solution through informal talks on the rug.
Two of them would read the magazine for a few minutes while taking turns to turn each page;
The first two would then peacefully hand the magazine off to the other two with Ms. Pappas facilitating the transition; and,
The other two would read the magazine on their own while taking turns to turn each page.
Through a fair "Ini-mini" random selection process, Karen and Tyrique were chosen as the first two to read the highly coveted publication.
Well, mornings are a busy time, with math routines, morning announcements, newspaper letter hunts, and some anecdote collection before circle time. Sometimes Ms. Pappas forgets to go back to situations like the "Book Taking Turns Agreement." Today, however, my forgetfulness was not a problem. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Karen and Tyrique walk over to the other two students, give them the book, and say, "Here you go. It's your turn now."
At that sight, I definitely felt elation. I quickly acknowledged their success by exclaiming, "Wow. I am so proud of Karen and Tyrique for being such great friends. I am looking out for you for purple." Sure enough, they continued to cooperate for the rest of the day and were both put on purple, the highest honor on our behavior card system. If only international diplomacy were this simple.
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